Wasting my time, in the waiting line..

Do you ever just have one of those moments that feels just a little too good to be real, so you don't even really want to tell anyone about it because you don't want to "jinx" it?  I'm kind of having one of those right now.  Things seem to be going pretty great in just about every aspect of my life right now, and that so very rarely happens, I don't really know what to do with myself and I feel like I should be holding my mouth a certain way just for good luck, so that things don't start to fall apart.  Or maybe, just maybe, I should look at it as maybe I'm not lucky, just blessed. :)

I took some time drawing tonight, which I literally have not done in years, but I found some old charcoal in a drawer and decided to draw myself.  I believe it turned out quite well, because you can definitely tell that it is me.

So, I've totally had the movie "Garden State" on the brain since Saturday.  So much, that I found it in my stash of movies.  I spent most of the weekend in Springfield with Emily, Josh, and several others on Saturday evening.  On Friday, though, I went to the mall by myself and wandered into a small store called Maceo's.  I absolutely LOVED some of the stuff in it, and the girl working there began making conversation with me.  Now, usually, when I'm in a store, I just want the salespeople to leave me alone so I can get what I need and get out, but something about this girl was different. She just seemed sweet and genuine.  She also did not seem from face value like someone that I would enjoy talking with or that I would have anything in common with, but she and I ended up talking for probably about 20 minutes.  Her name was Sarah and she just really made my day.  It was a lessen to me not to judge a book by its cover and also one of those moments where you are confirmed that there are still real, genuine people in the world.  The soundtrack from "Garden State" was also playing while I was in there, so that is what got me thinking about it.  She mentioned another movie that I need to see, "Away We Go" and it is now next in line on my Netflix queue.  I think I'll like it, though.  Anyway, if you're in Springfield, you should definitely check out the store and if Sarah is working (tall, pretty girl with dark, dark hair) spend some time talking with her.  I think you'll enjoy it. :)

This week is going pretty amazingly...I hope it just stays that way...

Yours,

T<3

Think progress, not perfection.

So, church was pretty amazing yesterday.  I meant to write about it yesterday, but it just didn't work out for some reason. The current series is called "Under Construction" and yesterday was about how to grow spiritually, basically.  The main principles of it were:

• Think relationally, not religiously.
• Religion focuses on self, relationship focuses on God.
• Religion is built on works, relationship is built on grace.
• Religion tends to judge others, relationship supports others.
• Think process, not performance.
• Spiritual growth should focus on steps, not rules.
• Spiritual growth will happen over time, not over night.
• Spiritual growth involves getting back up, not giving up.
• Think progress, not perfection.
• Spiritual growth is a journey, not a destination.
• Spiritual growth involves failure, not just success.
• Spiritual growth keeps looking forward, not backward.

I liked this a lot, because I believe that it also goes right along with losing weight, especially the last one.  I have always struggled with trying to be "perfect" when it comes to dieting.  I know it's horrible, but I'm one of those people that if I mess up and say, eat a chocolate cupcake, instead of eating lighter the rest of the day, I think "hey, I've blown today, so I might as well eat as bad as I want and start over tomorrow."  This is a killer to getting healthy, and the worst part is that I'm aware of it, but I seem to be powerless over changing it.  I then beat myself up over eating the darn chocolate cupcake in the first place, so much that it just makes me eat even worse the rest of the day.  It's a vicious cycle.  I'm also an "I'm gonna start on Monday" or "at the beginning of the month" type of dieter, and if I don't make it to the gym when I had it planned, I also feel like I've ruined the day.  I need to stop focusing on all of these rules that I've put forth on myself for dieting, because really, I'm not like this in most other aspects of my life.  I'm much more laid back and "go with the flow" for most things, except for getting healthier.  I guess my reasoning for putting this out here, is to ask for any advice that anyone might have about how to break myself from this?! Any and all will be much appreciated.

Yours,

Tara

This is the video from church yesterday. Just watch it!

A blog you say? Well, ok...

Who would have ever thought that I would be blogging? Certainly not me. I mean, I look at other people's blogs and they are lovely, and I like to read them, but surely my life is not really interesting enough for others to be much involved.  Okay, so yeah, I am a little silly, and a little funny, and I tend to smile a lot, laugh a lot, and enjoy life...but do I really have the time to sit down pretty often and write about it?  I may not, but I'm certainly going to try and make time...

So why did I decide to start a blog? That's simple, and the answer is accountability.  Truth be told, and just to get it all out there in the beginning, I've been trying to lose weight for YEARS and so far, to no avail.  I absolutely KNOW without a doubt in my heart of hearts, that I am capable of it.  I feel this way even more within the last six months, because about 4.5 months ago, I just quit smoking cold turkey.  Yes, I did use the patch, but I woke up one day (October 9, 2010 to be exact) and said "I'm not going to smoke today" and I haven't since then, not even a drag.  Unfortunately, when it comes to getting healthy and weight loss, I just cannot seem to get my motivation to stay with me.  It is, what most would call, a runaway. It just, takes the midnight train to Georgia and I wake up the next morning like, "whoa, wait a second, where's my motivation?!"  With that said, my hope in creating this blog is that it will be the anchor for my motivation.  A way for me to think about why I do what I do and to work to change these habits.  After all, I kicked the butt, and they say that's like harder than quitting heroin?! Certainly I can just begin to make some healthier food choices! I've had support in my journey with quitting smoking, though, and that's what I'm needing daily in my quest for getting healthy, so hopefully this will be it.  I'm sure there will be a few paths that I take occasionally as well that have nothing to do with my motivation and accountability - including dating (or lack thereof), frustrations, annoyances, and so on..but then again, they just might have more to do with my motivation that I think! Aha, I'm already having epiphanies. Sounds like I'm off to a fabulous start...

<3 Tara